Design for crockeryJune 2010

3rd –  In my spiritual voyage, I look for the truth.

6th –  There is no money in poetry;  but then there is no poetry in money, either.  (Robert Graves)

8th –  Poetry is like fish:  if it’s fresh, it’s good;  if it’s stale, it’s bad;  and if you’re not certain, try it on the cat.  (Osbert Sitwell)

19th – I believe in the sacred sense and sacred goal of existence.

26th – May my comportment this day reflect my deepest convictions.

July 2010

6th –  Abstinence is a good thing, but it should always be practised in moderation.  (Anon.)

12th – To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.  (Anon.)

17th – Today, may I fulfil all my responsibilities as perfectly as possible.

January 2011

10th – Today, may my presence on Earth be simple, humble and generous.

13th – Acting is all about honesty.  If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.  (George Burns – attrib.)

17th – We don’t need tears.  There’s been enough water around here already.  (Queensland flood victim)

February 2011

22nd – Today, may I see in each person the essence of the Divine.

April 2011

1st –  Today, may I be grateful to those who have preceded me and smooth the way for those who will follow me.

7th –  Today, may I make a little better each of the places in which I find myself.

June 2011

6th –  May I love this day as if it were my last.

20th – Democracy means government by discussion but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.  (Clement Attlee – attrib.)

22nd – Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.  (Alan Coren, Daily Mail, 1975)

July 2011

1st –  Two cheers for Democracy:  one because it admits variety and two because it permits criticism.  Two cheers are quite enough:  there is no occasion to give three.  (E. M. Forster, “What I Believe”, Two Cheers for Democracy, 1951)

4th –  Keep a diary and one day it will keep you.  (Mae West)

25th – In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.  (Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892)

Design for stationaryAugust 2011

2nd –  It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.  (Arnold Bennett)

3rd –  I know of no case where a man added to his dignity by standing on it.  (Winston Churchill)

4th –  Wherever there is light, there is also shadow.

5th –  Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.  (Herbert Hoover)

6th –  It is not possible for this nation to be at once politically internationalist and economically isolationist.  This is just as insane as asking one Siamese twin to high dive while the other plays the piano.  (Adlai Stevenson, speech in New Orleans, 1952)

8th –  It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job, it’s a depression when you lose your own.  (Harry S. Truman)

9th –  The way to stop financial joy-riding is to arrest the chauffeur, not the automobile.  (Woodrow Wilson)

10th – Love your enemy – it’ll drive him nuts.  (Anon.)

11th – In England we have come to rely on a comfortable time-lag of fifty years or a century intervening between the perception that something ought to be done and a serious attempt to do it.  (H. G. Wells, The Work, Wealth and Happiness of Mankind, 1931)

12th – All men are born equal, but quite a few eventually get over it.  (Lord Mancroft, Observer, 1967)

13th – Democracy demands that all of its citizens begin the race even.  Egalitarianism insists that they all finish even.  (Roger Price, The Great Roob Revolution, 1970)

22nd – Social tact is making your company feel at home, even though you wish they were.  (Anon.)

26th – I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.  (Fred Allen)

27th – The Earth is a cell in God’s body.

30th – Faith is much better than belief.  Belief is when someone else does the thinking.  (R. Buckminster Fuller)

31st – Scepticism is the beginning of Faith.  (Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891)

September 2011

7th –  Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.  (Daniel Boorstin, The Image, 1962)

21st –  A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.  (Graffito, New York, 1982)

October 2011

17th – Providing for one’s family as a good husband and father is a watertight excuse for making money hand over fist.  Greed may be a sin, exploitation of other people might, on the face of it, look rather nasty, but who can blame a man for “doing the best” for his children?  (Eva Figes, Nova, 1973)

31st – During the feminist revolution, the battle lines were again simple.  It was easy to tell the enemy, he was the one with the penis.  This is no longer strictly true.  Some men are okay now.  We’re allowed to like them again.  We still have to keep them in line, of course, but we no longer have to shoot them on sight.  (Cynthia Heimel, Sex Tips for Girls, 1983)

November 2011

3rd –  I’m furious about the Women’s Liberationists.  They keep getting up on soap-boxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men.  That’s true, but it should be kept very quiet or it ruins the whole racket.  (Anita Loos, Observer, 1973)

7th –  How Dare You Presume I’d Rather Be Thin?  (American Badge, 1980’s)

8th –  The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down to the mezzanine floor.  (P. G. Wodehouse, The Heart of a Goof, 1926)

9th –  An actor entering through the door, you’ve got nothing.  But if he enters through the window, you’ve got a situation.  (Billy Wilder)

13th

To err is human,

To forgive takes restraint;

To forget you forgave

Is the mark of a saint.

(Suzanne Douglass, Reader’s Digest, 1966)

14th – The French will only be united under threat of danger.  Nobody can simply bring together a country that has 265 kinds of cheese.  (Charles de Gaulle, speech, 1951)

December 2011

4th –  I have not always in my dealings with General de Gaulle found quotations from Trafalgar and Waterloo necessarily productive, and he has been very tactful about the Battle of Hastings.  (Harold Wilson, 1967)

5th –  Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.  (Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927)

6th –  What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.  (Charles Dudley Warner, My Summer in a Garden, 1871)

7th –  The public is wonderfully tolerant.  It forgives everything except genius.  (Oscar Wilde, “The Critic as Artist”, 1890)

8th –  They told me how Mr Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right.  (Winston Churchill, My Early Life, 1930)

10th – Mr Gladstone speaks to me as if I were a public meeting.  (Queen Victoria – attrib.)

13th – This island is almost made of coal and surrounded by fish.  Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish in Great Britain at the same time.  (Aneurin Bevan, speech, 1945)

15th – I don’t make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.  (Will Rogers)

16th – There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.  (Will Rogers)

17th – Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.  (W. C. Bennett, American clergyman)

19th – A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.  (Carolyn Wells)

20th – Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.  (Robert Frost, title of poem)

29th – Like many other anachronisms in British public life, the House of Lords has one supreme merit.  It works.  (Lord Boothby – attrib.)

30th – The House of Lords is a model of how to care for the elderly.  (Frank Field, Labour MP, 1981)

January 2012

5th –  It is going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the Earth after they inherit it.  (Kin Hubbard, Abe Martin’s Sayings, 1915)

9th –  Christian humility is preached by the clergy, but practised only by the lower classes.  (Bertrand Russell, Autobiography, 1967)

10th – I only kill in self-defence.  What would you do if a rabbit pulled a knife on you?  (Johnny Carson, The Tonight Show, NBC TV)

11th – No sportsman wants to kill the fox or the pheasant as I want to kill him when I see him doing it.  (George Bernard Shaw)

12th – Husbands are like fires.  They go out if unattended.  (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

18th – A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.  (Helen Rowland)

23rd – Hypocrisy is the most difficult and nerve-racking vice that any man can pursue;  it needs an unceasing vigilance and a rare detachment of spirit.  It cannot, like adultery or gluttony, be practised at spare moments;  it is a wholetime job.  (W. Somerset Maugham, Cakes and Ale, 1930)

24th – I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.  (John Barrymore)

February 2012

1st –  No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  (Eleanor Roosevelt)

2nd –  Among the things that money can’t buy is what it used to.  (Max Kauffmann)

7th –  When the insects take over the world, we hope they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.  (Bill Vaughan)

10th – I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician.  (Marty Feldman)

12th – I never met anyone in Ireland who understood the Irish question, except one Englishman who had only been there for a week.  (Major Sir Keith Fraser, MP, 1919)

13th – The English should give Ireland home rule – and reserve the motion picture rights.  (Will Rogers, The Autobiography of Will Rogers, 1949)

14th – [Gladstone] spent his declining years trying to guess the answer to the Irish Question;  unfortunately, whenever he was getting warm, the Irish secretly changed the Question…  (W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman, 1066 and All That, 1930)

15th – If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.  (Louis Armstrong)

20th – If you’re in jazz and more than ten people like you, you’re labelled “commercial”.  (Wally Stott)

21st – Fear causes illness and pain.  Love and goodwill bring health and peace.

March 2012

2nd –  No-one ever made more trouble than the “gentle Jesus meek and mild”.  (James M. Gillis, This Our Day)

5th –  Journalism largely consists in saying “Lord Jones Dead” to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.  (G. K. Chesterton, The Wisdom of Father Brown, 1914)

6th –  …adjectives do most of the work, smuggling in actual information under the guise of normal journalism.  Thus the use of soft-spoken (mousy), loyal (dumb), high-minded (inept), hardworking (plodding), self-made (crooked), and pragmatic (totally immoral).  (John Leo, “Journalese for the Lay Reader”, Time, 1985)

7th –  It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.  (Ladies’ Home Journal, 1948)

8th –  I do not often attack the Labour Party.  They do it so well themselves.  (Edward Heath, speech, 1973)

13th – Die, my dear Doctor?  That’s the last thing I shall do.  (Lord Palmerston – attrib., 1865)

15th – It is illegal to make liquor privately or water publicly.  (Lord Birkett – attrib.)

16th – As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound and original ideas.  Unfortunately, none of the sound ideas is original and none of the original ideas is sound.  (Harold Macmillan, speech, 1961)

17th – I was brought up in a clergyman’s household so I am a first-class liar.  (Dame Sybil Thorndike)

18th – If you want my final opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can give it to you in a nutshell.  The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination.  But the combination is locked up in the safe.  (Peter De Vries, Let Me Count the Ways, 1965)

28th – Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews.  (John Updike, The Coup, 1979)

April 2012

2nd –  Abe, have you got a pencil and paper there?  Would you take this down?  “You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time.  But you can’t fool all of the people all the time”…  Well, you keep doing it differently, Abe.  The last quote I got was “You can fool all the people all the time…”  (Bob Newhart, “Abe Lincoln versus Madison Avenue”, The Button-down Mind of Bob Newhart, record, 1960)

6th –  A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.  (Mark Twain, The Disappearance of Literature, 1900)

8th –  War is God’s way of teaching Americans Geography.  (Ambrose Bierce)

12th – London is a splendid place to live for those who can get out of it.  (Lord Balfour of Burleigh, quoted in the Observer, 1944)

13th – I don’t know what London’s coming to – the higher the buildings the lower the morals.  (Noel Coward, “Law and Order”, This Year of Grace, 1928)

16th – When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.  (Bette Midler, quoted in The Times, 1978)

29th – I have a theory about L. A. architecture.  I think all the houses had a costume party and they all came as other countries.  (Michael O’Donoghue, quoted in Playboy, 1983)

May 2012

1st –  The violet hush of twilight was descending over Los Angeles as my hostess, Violet Hush, and I left its suburbs headed towards Hollywood.  In the distance a glow of huge piles of burning motion-picture scripts lit up the sky.  The crisp tang of frying writers and directors whetted my appetite.  How good it was to be alive, I thought, inhaling deep lungfuls of carbon monoxide.  (S. J. Perelman, Strictly from Hunger, 1937)

4th –  The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt has real culture.  (Tom Taussik, Legless in Gaza, 1982)

6th –  Love…  the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.  (John Barrymore – Attrib.)

7th –  Love is like the measles – all the worse when it comes late in life.  (Douglas Jerrold)

8th – Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.  (W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer’s Notebook, 1949)

9th –  Love is like war:  easy to begin but very hard to stop.  (H. L. Mencken)

10th – To fall in love you have to be in the state of mind for it to take, like a disease.  (Nancy Mitford)

11th – Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin – it is the triumphant twang of a bedspring.  (S. J. Perelman – Attrib.)

12th – Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.  (Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975)

14th – Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.  (Miss Piggy, Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life (As Told to Henry Beard), 1981)

June 2012

20th – My aim is to die without an enemy in the world.  I’m going to outlive the bastards!  (Sir Jack Brabham, 83 years old)