“What animal does this come from?”
Teacher says that meat comes from animals and I’m testing the story. Daddy’s mouth is full, so Mummy answers.
“Bull.”
Daddy swallows so fast he almost chokes.
“Bullock. Not bull. Bullock.”
There’s silence, while I finish my mouthful. I’m not allowed to talk until my mouth’s empty.
“What’s a bullock?”
Mummy makes a weird little bow over the table, with a big smile on her face. She wants Daddy to answer.
Mummy had set my hair with butterfly clips. I hated it, and Daddy insisted on taking my photo.
Daddy goes into one of his long speeches, while Mummy and I continue dinner. Mummy’s having trouble with hers. I think she’s trying not to laugh. Why?
Daddy’s talking about bees and flowers and seeds. Then he switches to birds and eggs. It’s all very interesting of course, but so far, there’s nothing about bullocks. I’ve eaten all my vegetables and have almost finished my meat. Are we going to have ice-cream?
I must have missed a bit of Daddy’s speech because now he’s talking about puppies and kittens. Mummy’s shoulders are shaking. She takes a handkerchief out of her pocket and wipes her eyes. She’s crying? Have I done something wrong?
Daddy’s onto lambs and calves. Mummy goes to the ice-chest and takes out the ice-cream. Goody! Ice-cream!
Daddy’s stopped talking and is trying to eat his now cold dinner. He doesn’t like it.
It’s true that I didn’t hear absolutely every word he said, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t mention bullocks. I wait until he pushes away his plate. He seems to have finished with the animals. Has he forgotten the question? I decide to remind him.
“Yes, but what’s a bullock?”
Mummy dumps the ice-cream and rushes out of the room. Is she sick? She’s making funny noises down the hall.
I don’t remember what happened after that.
***
Some years later, when I am in my early teens, Mummy and I go to Sydney’s Royal Easter Show. Farmers have come to the big city to show their animals and compete for prizes, and we are having trouble moving through the throng. The crowd parts slightly and an enormous creature comes into view.
“Mummy, look at the size of that bull!”
A farmer in front of us turns his head. Mummy, bright pink, mutters,
“It’s a bullock.”
I look from her to the grinning farmer and back again.
“Oh… What’s a bullock?”
The farmer’s grin broadens. Mummy, now deep purple, snarls in a low voice,
“I’ll tell you when we get home!”
I don’t think she did.
***
Splatter 
Hi,
All very confusing for a little girl, that is for sure.
Well, if Daddy hadn’t insisted on correcting Mummy, who had said “bull” on purpose, not through ignorance, the first story wouldn’t have happened. His second attempt at an explanation, if there was one, couldn’t have been very clear because, several years later, I still didn’t know what a bullock was.
(BTW, analogue television in the ACT was switched off yesterday, so I spent Sunday trying to deal with 27 digital channels plus the five analogues. Not to mention a different remote control whose buttons aren’t in the same place. On top of that, the following day, I bought myself a convector heater because I’m freezing down here. So, I’ve had technology right up to the hilt over the last few days! I’m getting too old for all this!)
I didn’t know that they had turned off analog down there. We have been using the set top box remote for awhile now so we are well and truly used to it.
However Dad got himself a new TV about 4 months ago now, and he is still trying to get used to it all, as he also got a recorder as well with a hard drive. I was over there a few times, it is hard, some of the instructions were not easy to follow I assure you. 🙂
I’m going to start by getting used to the remote control!
i still don’t know what bullocks means, but it seemed to work perfectly for the sex pistols album title.
Well, we could go through the whole birds and bees thingy, but you are the father of two children, so you probably know most of it already.. Let’s just say that a bullock is an ex-bull. Like all males who have been “arranged”, they tend to become huge, which makes them the preferred version of a bull for cattle farmers who are producing meat animals.
The Sex Pistols were probably referring to the droppings left by such animals, who tend to eat a lot, because there isn’t much else left in life to interest them.
oh dear.
Right! So now that we’ve cleared that up, you’d better go back and read the post again. It might take on a new light.